a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
