i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need to calm my uterus...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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