dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
