New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
