So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just pee around me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
