North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
