bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
