i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
