i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
