It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
