i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
