Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize