the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
