We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
