that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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