I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
