I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
