When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
