I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
