Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
