and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As shirtless as possible
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
