hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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