So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
