he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
