shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
