Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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