i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
