Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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