Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
