i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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