fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
