you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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