I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
