we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize