i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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