I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
