I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
