Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize