He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
