Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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