i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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