when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
