TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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