I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
