I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cut my penus on the lid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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