I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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