Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
