If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
