So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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