Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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