We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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