My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
