Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
