Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize