i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
