I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
