I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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