the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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