You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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