her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
