3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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