my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
