I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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