I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
that is very illegal...i love you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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