Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
