i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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