You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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