So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
