I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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