You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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