if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
