I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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