I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
