I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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