Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
