Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
