I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize