and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was confusing and full of hummus
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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