I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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