My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
foreskin is a definite game changer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
