I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
