this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
