He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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