If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
