omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
