ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well you can't waste a boner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
do nipples grow back?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
