time to smoke my breakfast
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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