oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize