No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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