do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
