Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
