so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize