I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
